Kubrick Out

Women in feathered masks and lingerie servicing the elite in a big empty house is so pre-recession — aside from the real estate problems the mysterious owners of what appeared to be Gracie Mansion are having. (Is Bloomberg selling his place?) I realize that there needs to be some time off between Blair and Chuck to make us miss them, but the diversion of the hot nanny slash escort slash orgy-organizer is so colassally stupid. And it seriously chills all the warm fuzzies I have been nurturing for Chuck. His sex life is skeevy enough without A) orgies that make me think of Tom Cruise and B) bringing his father’s peccadillos into the mix. Blerg to all that. 

Also, Chuck didn’t have a single good line the whole episode and he actually looked unnerved after the phone call about Elle’s disappearance. This Chuck is all wrong. 

Speaking of all wrong, what is with Rachel Carr? She’s the dumbest teacher ever. And renter of the nicest-first-apartment-rented-by-a-teacher ever. Why do Dan Humphrey and Serena know where she lives? Why does Dan Humphrey know her subway routine? Props to him for acknowledging what a pain it is to get from his place to the Upper East though. Alas, still no explanation as to how they make this trip so quickly and often and briefly. Why is Dan Humphrey having breakfast with his teacher? My breakfast in high school was a waffle eaten while running up the driveway to catch the school bus. Needless to say I didn’t go to Constance Billiard School for Sociopaths. 

I accept that Rachel is trying to nurture her students, but after you’ve been accused of knocking loafers with those students, it’s best not to have romantic dinners with them. Call me wacky like that. I also think talking trash about other students is a bad idea. And rolling your eyes when your breakfast with the student you are clearly hot for is interrupted by a student who clearly admires you as an actual teacher, also not cool. So basically, I’m all for her getting fired. And the scene with Dan Humphrey and her at the end was hot. He’s hot. Woot woot. 

Not hot is Danrena breaking up again and here’s why: It’s not that I didn’t see it coming, it’s that I am expected to believe it is for the last time. I don’t believe it. Rather, I won’t believe it. Actually, Serena and her many coats (could she and her coat tower over Rachel Carr more?) were another boooooooooring part of this episode. She just mopes around trying to improve herself and fix other people’s problems. What is she, 35?

What else? Nate and Vanessa* giggled at a piano and hung with Chuck while he wandered around the drrty house. And then sent mail. Or something. I do worry about chemistry deflation if Chuck and Blair ever get together. Gossip Girl is very good at the foreplay with couples, not so good with the deed. Even Rufus and Lily seemed to have settled into boring domesticity, chatting with the principal.

I was happy that Blair briefly got punished for doing something devious. I know she has a strict caste system, but I find it strange that she continues to have only feelings of disgust for Dan Humphrey. So much so that she would jeopardize his future for pointless revenge, that even the step girls agreed was pointless. Of course once their cell phones were taken away, all bets were off. Living in and around Gossip Girl-like environs or at least reading about them in my local paper, I know that taking cell phones away isn’t so easy. Especially not at a school like that one. Anyway, glad Blair got busted, particularly when it was by her dad. And since I’m an after school special kind of mom, I also appreciated him reminding her that being a decent person has some value. And that’s one to grow on. xoxo

In blogging news: FNL recap someday. Product review any day now. Review of my resolutions necessary!

* In real life Vanessa and Chuck are ‘good friends.’ Shocking!