Danrena Out

It’s only been a month since Bart died and in that time, Serena has gone to Buenos Aires, dumped Aaron, hooked up with Dan, found out about the fake-dead love child, and tired of Dan. I understand that seeing their parents and for poor Eric, hearing their parents, make it all over Manhattan is a bit of a relationship-killer, but why reunite them at all? Gossip Girl goes back to the Danrena well when they have nothing better to say. And you know that they aren’t really over over anyway. I’m a fan, but I’m getting easily distracted too.

In the meanwhile, it looks like Dan is hot for teacher. Why anyone that had taught with Teach America in Alabama, would then go on to teach the twits at Constance Billard School for Haters, is a Gossip Girl unsolved mystery — along with Jenny’s hair, and Eric and Serena’s father. Speaking of fathers, Blair’s gay dads were back. Love them. Although I think a French Bulldog would have been a more Blair-friendly gift, even if it isn’t mascot-accurate for Yale.

Of course, the new teacher is mentor to Serena and giver of a dreaded B to Blair, who then enacted some pretty weak revenge. A closed restaurant and fake start time for the opera?! NOOOOO! Not exactly Blair’s most piercing attack, although she did have some classic lines (“Cancel the Nelly Yuki project now!”).

Silly teacher, then went to the principal with her pain and Blair was punished not only with detention, but her spot at Yale was put on hold. A spot she got only because Serena declined her own acceptance. (Are college admissions really like this in Upper East Side land?) Serena’s sacrifice didn’t seem to bother Blair at all. I know Serena really wants to go to Brown, so it wasn’t such a big deal but still, sometimes I wonder why these two are friends at all.

The look on Dorota’s face after Blair emerged from the principal’s office was priceless. Blair is going ‘black ops’ on teacher. I’m thinking more than a closed restaurant. Perhaps something to do with the emerging Dan Humphrey flirtation?

In other creepy and scary news, Uncle Jack turned out to be more than just a run of the mill scuzzball. To paraphrase ‘he who does not watch Gossip Girl,’ Chuck comes from such a slimy family. It seems Chuck is emerging from his crippling grief — at least he changed clothes in this episode — and is focusing his energies on bringing down Uncle Jack. Some of his attempts included planting coke in his gym bag, trying to buy anthrax with Uncle Jack’s credit card and hiring underage hookers (classic Chuck). When none of that worked, he turned to Lily.

What ultimately felled Uncle Jack was Lily’s adoption of Chuck (awwwwwwwww), making her his guardian and therefore CEO of the company. The ensuing physical attack on Lily by Uncle Jack, almost took Gossip Girl from fun, clever distraction to serious drama and I don’t want that. Chuck saved her though. It was a great Chuck moment. And then she kissed and snuggled Rufus and I realized that they are a couple where the anticipation might have been more interesting than the fruition.

Oh, Nate and Vanessa made out in the Archibald box at the opera. And that’s it. How long before Chace Crawford asks to be let out his contract to ‘pursue other opportunities?’

Next week is a repeat. Boo hiss. xoxo

Will I blog Obama day? Still undecided.

* Chuck in his lady’s trench from last week. Although that’s Ed Westwick’s smile. Chuck doesn’t do smiling.